CROWDS WELCOME IN NEW ERA

At the stroke of midnight cheers rang out throughout the village accompanied by a peel of bells from St. Fitba's Church, kindly provided by Archbishop Mullins (Retd.) Even our own resident vagrant, 'Old Horsley' was in fine fettle when bringing in the 20th century.

The evening began in good humour when landlady of the Rose and Crown, Miss Paula Mullin announced that she was lowering the prices on all hop based products to 1d a flaggon. This on top of a move earlier in the day by the manager of the Tunaville Loans and Savings Company, Mr. Hamish Allen who uncharacteristically kept his offices open to 3:30pm in order to let customers withdraw up to 5 shillings each.

Resident Peeler Thompson described the festivities as good natured and without incident.

'I was pleased everyone entered into the spirit of the event in good humour. In particular, I would like to commend those people who took the extra precaution of not actually attending the celebrations themselves and sending their downstairs staff instead. This was a particularly smart move'

"Allegedly a number of clients were under the impression that it was 'freebie night'. I wouldn't have minded but I run a respectable establishment here and my girls really just don't need the publicity.

This isn't the first time. Last week when we were all out on a 'Votes for Women' march (get real . . . Ed.) they were audibly harassed by a number of our community who should really know better. I could name names"