Through your pages I would like to request that the woman who lives/stays in the flat above the Hi-Fi shop on the High Street closes her curtains when she is going about her domestic chores.

Frankly, it is disturbing to watch a young woman going about her ironing whilst trying to enjoy a quiet moment, in the rain, on a bench, on the village green, in the middle of the night.

Yours,

Name and Address supplied

PS, I think she missed the collar on a blue shirt on Wednesday evening.

Me, my misses and two little 'uns recently had the pleasure of visitin' England from over here in Texas in the U.S. of A. and happen to mosey down to Tunaville. I'm just written to tell you that you have got just the quaintest little town we ever did see; we half expected to see the Queen herself strolling down that main street with her little doggies.

Locals in your parts sure are friendly. That fella that runs the little hardware store - just the nicest man one could ever shoot the breeze with, and so proud of that little store. I couldn't bear to tell 'em that we got places like that over here in Texas, only bigger. And that nice Mr. Dodd, he practically insisted that he look after our young'ns while me and the Misses had a wander about the place; he really wowed our youngest as Junior's been quite as lamb since spending the afternoon watching videos with that kind man.

Highlights for me included that curry at Slaughter's Ye Olde House of Curry - lord amighty, I thought I'd need to get Red Adaire himself to help put out the fire the next morning - and having a few brewskis down at the local tavern. You boys start early over there; personally, I never took to warm flat beer, but as they say, "when in Rome . . . . "

You have some real characters that seem to live in that bar - that preacher fella, the loud dude drinking Jack n Coke and telling all the stories of loose women, and the bald fella in the corner who kept falling over - to name but a few. My wife still can't get over watching the grown men in their little pants, kicking a ball around in the park, and running around hugging each other when one of 'em kicked it in a net - a man could get himself lynched for hugging another man in these here parts.

Just want to write to your little town newspaper and let you know how much we appreciated all your hospitality. Next time y'all find yourself down Texas way, be sure to look up Joe Bob and Tawni-Sue, see if we can return the kindness.

Joe Bob Baker
Laredo, Texas

What a great idea it has proved to be for Donny Donaldson to run a series of interviews with local townsfolk on his Tunaville FM radio program, "through the night with Donny".

Did anyone else catch Monday night's show when he was joined by local bookshop owner David Dodd ? It was absolutely fascinating and he proved to be both an informative and interesting guest. I was unaware that the Dodd family had been running the shop in Tunaville for quite so many years.

I truly admired the honesty with which he spoke of his own personal financial difficulties at present, but as he himself so clearly stated the advancements in technology mean that the demand for books has waned remarkably. It would be a real shame if he was forced to shut up shop, as he hinted at during the interview, so I therefore plead with the local community to try to support as much as possible one of the true characters of our village.

Name and address supplied

I wish to address a problem regarding consumer affairs.

I recently purchased a pair of high end speakers from a local HiFi shop. Upon setting them up at home I noticed a strange reverberation from the left speaker. Upon opening the front of the speaker I was confronted by the sight of three empty cans of Special Brew.

Have I bought a quality speaker, or, as I suspect, have I inadvertantly bought someones 'secret stash'.

I do not wish to reduce the letters page of this newspaper to matters of trivia, but my letters to the proprietor of said HiFi shop have gone unanswered. (Probably used as kindling to heat that vat of mulled wine that is supposedly for shoppers at Christmas).

Sincerely

D Dodd.

cc Esther Rantzen

I have been a keen reader of the Gazette since it's launch. I must congratulate you on the increased community spirit that it has brought to Tunaville and hope that your publication continues to be a success.

As you know, Slaughter's the Family Butcher has been an integral part of Tunaville for over 50 years now and hope that with our mixture of friendly service and quality products will ensure a further 50 years. Obviously the threat of the larger supermarket chains is always a worry but I hope that the family butcher still has an important role to play in rural society.

Normally, Uncle Todd looks after all of the advertising, but unfortunately he had rather a serious hand injury last week whilst preparing the mince for the sausages. I would therefore be grateful if you could help in anyway in advertising our butchers in the Gazette.

Slaughter's The Family Butcher
British Beef on the bone
Tuna-Filled Tunaville Pasties
Home made Wall's sausages

Many thanks

D.Slaughter - Slaughter's - The Family Butcher Since 1948

It seems to me, that you really ought to explain the reason for refering to the local pub by the soppy new name of the Rose and Crown when we all know that it is really the Smugglers Inn. I personally think that ever since Mr Mullins came back from Asia with his fancy ideas about Tunaville being some kind of ideal village, he has tried to rewrite Tunaville's history to suit his own ideas of a quaint little village instead of glorying in our real past.

As the self-appointed local historian and antiques specialist, I feel it is my duty to point out that the Smugglers was named after the major trade of our village in the 19th century when brigands used to bring in Tuna under the noses of the excise men. We should restore the name of the pub at once and get back to our history !

yours etc.

Christopher Tinker

p.s. If there is a wish for more local history to be brought out into the open in the pages of the gazette I am happy to provide a column for a relatively modest fee

The fact that Donny Donaldson implies that I made absolutely no contribution to the recent United game (not a single mention you will note) when I was, in my own humble opinion the fulcrumn of the second half recovery is, frankly an outrage.

yours in outrage

Christopher Tinker

I enjoy a game of football as much as the next man. I also enjoy reading about the sport, especially if it is about a game that I too have watched.

I refer to a recent article in the Tunaville Gazette reporting last weeks local Tunaville Rovers/Chipping Sodbury Derby. Now, I did enjoy the match, and would normally expect to see that enjoyment reflected in my local paper.p> I have to say, I did feel that the reporting was a bit biased towards certain players, and I feel I must ask, is Donny Donaldson, your Chief Sports reporter in any way related to Neil 'Wizard' Donaldson ?

Sincerely,

Name and address supplied

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