Would the council please clarify the situation regarding Tunaville Beach? Is it permitted to sunbathe firstly, topless and secondly in the nude.

There would seem to be much confusion regarding this issue and in recent weeks has led to much consternation and dare I say it, embarrassment.

And whilst on the subject of the beach, would some of the younger generation please appreciate that others do not want to have to listen to Tunaville FM blasting out at full volume. I think I speak for others when I say it would be nice to be able to relax in the sun in peace and quiet.

This nonsense must stop. This is degrading to the population of Tunaville. If this does not stop I will be forced to take legal action.

I do not wish to sound a 'killjoy', but the current wave of euphoria that abounds in the village about the recent popular music concert held at the stadium is mystifying to me. Of course I understand that the members of the group are from the area, but lest we should forget may I refer you to an addition of the Gazette dated 11th March 1979, which leads with the headline of the arrest, for the growing of illegal substances, of two youths by the names of Sedergreen and Treece.

Would this happen to be the same two members of Skuttler who are now 'hero-worshipped' by all and sundry ? A comment in the same article from the headmaster of Tunaville Grammar explains that he is not surprised that these two particular boys were in trouble with the local police, as both had been expelled 6 months previously from his school.

So please, let us not get carried away by this pop group and hold such people up as role models and recognise them for the 'wasters' that they really are.

Do you lot know that bleedin' Muckspeader's email contact link to the Society Pages isn't bloody working? Straight up. If I've clicked on it once this week, I must have clicked on it a million times...no exaggeration.

Well, believe you me, you're going to be the ones to lose out because I've got the juiciest piece of gossip you've ever heard on one of Tunaville's most prominent and respected citizens but because the bleedin' clicker on the bloody email link won't bleedin' work, you're not going to find out any more till it's fixed. I'll tell you nothing. Sweet FA. Bugger all. Nowt.