THE WIZARD DOES IT FOR THE ROVERS

Tunaville Rovers 3 - Chipping Sodbury United 2

What an amazing game was witnessed by the 200 odd bodies who turned up to watch the Rovers first game in the F.A. Cup preliminaries. The pitch invasion at the end, which saw local hero, Neil Donaldson, or 'the wizard' as he is commonly known around these parts, chaired from the field, was fully justified.

Who would have guessed it would have been thus, when after 30 minutes of the first half, Rovers conceded their second goal to some miserable defending from Mullin, who failed to properly clear a weak and innocuous shot from the United number nine, instead hitting his own player Lucas on the back of the head to cause the ball to ricochet past the stranded Rovers keeper, Slaughter. The first goal after only five minutes, proved equally farcical, when a back pass from Horsley was under-hit leaving Slaughter once again stranded in no-man's land, allowing United's busy centre forward left with an open goal.

Surely the situation could get no worse, with the Rovers playing without cohesion and predominatly in their own half. Unfortunately this proved not to be the case, when in the 44th minute the Reverend Steven Mullins was dismissed from the field for his second yellow card for head-butting, following an earlier warning for use of foul language.

All therefore seemed lost as the players turned round for half-time, facing the reality of a two goal deficit and the prospect of playing against the infamous Tunaville slope. One shudders to think what was said to his team by player coach and captain Neil Donaldson, but it certainly seemed to do the trick. Within five minutes, a poor clearance by the United keeper landed on the foot of Donaldson, standing 5 yards inside his own half. He met it on the full and promptly volleyed it back back over the keeper's head into the roof of the net. The goal was met with stunned silence from both his team mates and the crowd alike, for never had those present witnessed an act of sheer audacity before.

The Rovers players were visibly lifted by this mercurial effort of their skipper and with Lucas and Mitchell at last competing in midfield and Horsley and Dodd providing some quality service from the flanks, the Rovers poured forward. It was only a matter of time before the equalizer came and sure enough it was that man Donaldson again. Picking up the ball inside his own half he went on an amazing run, rounding an estimated 6 United defenders and finally chipping the keeper as he advanced to narrow the angle. It was once again a solo effort that bore comparison to Maradonna's famous goal against England. Some in the crowd thought it better. Who knows, but that's surely an arguement that will continue for some time.

With victory now in sight it was all one way traffic from here on with both Aslett and McKinney going close. United's policy was clear - hang on for the draw and take the Rovers back for a replay. With ten men behind the ball there seemed no possible way through. Well under normal circumstances there would not have been, but that does not allow for the out of this world talent known as Donaldson. With 90 minutes gone Horsley forced a corner on the left. The ball was duly crossed into the centre and with Donaldson slipping his three markers, he dived low and hard to get his head to the ball and send it goal-bound and complete his well deserved hat-trick.

The referee's whistle went and the crowd errupted. What a game ! The celebrations in the "Rose and Crown" alledgedly went on long into the night - no guessing who the toast of the celebrations was - none other than the 'Wizard' himself. Surely Tunaville has never before seen such a prodigious footballing talent.

Tunaville : Slaughter, McKinney, Mullins, Mullin, Aslett, Mitchell, Lucas, Tinker, Dodd, Donaldson (c), Horsley.

* In the aftermath of such a dramatic night of football, local hero Neil Donaldson has denied rumours circulating the village that he is about to turn professional after alledged offers from certain Premier league clubs. "I am more than happy running the ironmongers in this charming community" he said. I think all residents would join the Gazette in saying "Well done Wizard, you're truly one of us !".