Mr Donaldson was definitely not the only one to see a Porsche being driven at "break-neck" speed down The High Street last Tuesday.

I was on my way home with a few of my girlfriends after a night out... yet another evening of dancing in a group bemoaning the lack of classy men in Tunaville.

All of the sudden we heard the roar of a powerful engine then Swoosh!! My friend Jill's skirt was up around her ears and our hair was all mucked up . . . silence fell over our group, then an excited chorous of 'WOW!!!' We jumped into my plum coloured Vitara and sped off after him to no avail. I suppose it was silly to expect our girly car to catch up with that machine.

Mr Donaldson is correct, driving fast can be dangerous, but a stylish car being driven with such skill and precision sure does make a girls heart flutter!

Yours truly,

Do other Tunaville residents feel the same way as I about the declining standard of our television stations? Not to put too fine a point on it, the fare on offer is absolute rubbish. I for one am brassed off with the continual diet of wrestling, X-Games (whatever they are) and ten-pin bowling on the sports channel while drama is limited to drab soaps like As The Worm Turns and Baywatch.

What we need is some lively current affairs and lifestyle programming like we used to get from the BBC in the old days. Superb documentaries like The Jeremy Thorpe Story will go down in the anals of television history. And does anyone remember that wonderful Fanny & Johnny Craddock cookery programme? Who would forget the time Johnny signed off with the words: "So happy cooking and I hope your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's".

Your nostalgically,

In response to Mr. Donaldsons (21/1/00) I can provide you with a range of "not so authentic" football memorabilia to support your beloved Rovers at extremely reasonable rates. I have seen a sample for the official replica jersey and can assure you that it is not nearly as snazzy as mine (very conservative in fact).

Tailored from extremely fine cushion remnants, and painstakingly cross-stitched, you can be assured of stepping out in style whilst supporting your team. Every jersey comes with a complimentary jar of vasoline to prevent chaffing.

Yours sincerely,

Whilst reading your wonderful gazette, I was surprised to come across a blast from the past. Victoria's Bordello - what a place. Do you remember it ? No of course we don't 'cos we are much to young, but I do remember hearing about it a long time ago.

The whole of Tunaville was in an uproar (or half of it anyway) when this mysterious woman arrived in town, and arrive she did to quite a fanfare if only from the men of Tunaville.

The women knew immediately what type she was. Even in their day they knew that any women arriving into town with trunks of beautiful clothing, dripping in diamonds and men trailing after her just had to be one of those.

For many years the looks of contentment on the faces of the men of Tunaville were a sight to be seen. In the end the women took advantage of the situation. Some assisted Victoria in her pursuit of happiness for all men, whilst others took their pleasures in ridding their husbands of all their happiness and worldly goods.

Victoria became a legend. Her stories are written into history though the names have been changed to protect the innocent and I don't mean the men.

And what of Victorias little black book ? Well my dears, you only have to look at the classifieds to see that times have now changed and we no longer have to protect the innocent. And even if you were not even born when Victoria's Bordello began, your fathers were and believe me boys when I say I'VE GOT YOUR NUMBER. LIKE I HAVE SAID, SOME NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT but NOT ALL.

Signed,

In response to last issues letter from Mr Slaughter I would like to suggest a novel spin to the now famous 'Donny Donaldson's Six of the Best Show'.

I suggest we have a guest celebrity interviewing Mr Donaldson. I think it would be a very interesting insight to Mr Donaldsons musical tastes as I am sure the drivel he currently plays is commercially led.

How about Mr Donaldson being given the Six of the Best treatment by Ruth Madoc? Perhaps she could be dressed as a Pantomime boy? You know, boots, shorts etc etc, or Isla St Clair or Anthea Redfern maybe ?

Perhaps your readers can come up with some more local residents who would benefit from a celebrity Six of the Best.

Yours excitedly,