. . at least until the novelty wears off!

 

4th February 2000 Weather : Warming up a touch

SYNCHRONISED SWIMMING TEAM IN ARREST SCANDAL

Crowds gathered at Tunaville lake last Wednesday afternoon to witness an extraordinary incident involving local athletes and members of the Tunaville constabulary.

Sources indicate that during a regular training session of the Tunaville Synchronised Swimming team in preparation for the national championships later this month in BigTown, a number of local schoolchildren played a seemingly harmless prank which subsequently had disastrous circumstances for all concerned.

Not soon after the children had hidden the clothes of the swim team, Special Constable Tinker arrived at the lake investigating an unconnected incident allegedly involving the owner of the local HiFi shop and a group of squirrels. It would then appear that SPC Tinker came to 'an incorrect conclusion' regarding the nature of the swim teams business in the lake and on drawing his weapon, instructed the entire team to 'stick them up' (see pic)

It was not until the timely arrival of Chief Constable Thompson who also appeared to be engaged in some unconnected business at the lake, that the confusion was laid to rest and the offending garments returned to the relevant athletes.

A total of five teenagers were subsequently taken in for questioning.

 

RESIDENTS UP IN ARMS OVER PUB/UNDERWEAR ALLIANCE

Local residents were in uproar last night as plans were announced for Miss Wet T-Shirt and Mr Wet G-String competition to be held at the Rose and Crown and sponsored by Francesca's Fashions. After weeks of negotiations behind closed doors, terms were finally agreed between landlord Paul Mullin and lingerie guru Francesca Walker for a series of 'contests' to be held over a six week period.

'I'm really excited about it to be honest. Takings have been a bit down of late but I really think this is the sort of classy enterprise that'll bring the punters rushing back.' commented Paul Mullin. 'Maureen was a little perturbed at first, particularly as I was spending a great deal of time hammering out a deal with Mrs. Walker but now she's kind of coming round to the idea. She even mumbled something the other day about taking part'
Local opinion however doesn't appear to be fully behind the money spinning enterprise. Already a group opposing the venture has been formed by local watchdog Mrs. Buffy Genk.
"Well I mean, it's disgusting isn't it. Young men and women parading themselves in the snug bar. I mean the local public house is supposed to be a place of local culture, giving residents an opportunity to discuss developments relevant to the community as a whole. Not some sleazy hangout for people to oggle at young women and men doused in liquid whilst scantily clad in provocative lingerie, rubbing their bodies in unison to the heady rhythms . . oooooh, excuse me please, I think I'm going to have to sit down'
Local lingerie queen Francesca Walker defended the venture.
'It's not going to be some boozy oggling contest.' she claimed. 'We intend to do it with style and class. I'll be supplying only my finest lingerie and latex garments for the event. Nothing crotchless at all. Naturally I'm hoping the event will boost trade for me and help to establish my business within the retail sector. Being able to look at blokes in their pants is just a bonus'