15th October 1999 Ask Annie
Dear Annie,

Help! I suspect my wife has a toyboy!

What leads me to this conclusion is that I recently overheard a couple of her telephone conversations during which she kept referring to a man called "Harvey Nick". I also had occasion to look at a recent credit card statement. The statement contained an awful lot of debits to this "Harvey Nick". Is she keeping a ToyBoy? Is my wife a Sugar Mummy?

Please advise.

Yours Haughtily,

 

Calm down! Calm down! As you are so obviously unaware, Harvey Nicks is a wonderful department store in London and therefore the debits on the credit card means that your wife is spending an awful lot of money on wonderful, wonderful things.

I think you should be more concerned about the possibility of inevitable bankruptcy if this continues rather than the possibility of your wife having a "bit on the side" - she ain't no "Sugar Mummy" more of a "Committed Shopper".

To help stave off impending bankruptcy I suggest your wife apply to Harvey Nicks for their in-house store card which offers 15% off all purchases - it will make her shopping sooo much sweeter and a bit easier on your pocket.

 

Dear Annie,

I'll be blunt. I'm dying for a shag but the wife's gone right off it ! She spends all her time either on the phone to her mates or shopping with MY credit card. I've seriously thought of outsourcing my problem within the local community but to be honest everyone I fancy is 'previously occupied'

Is there a solution to my problem ? Should I approach someone in the village with an offer for 'a bit on the side' ? Or should I just 'keep it in my pants'

Yours frustratedly,

Name and address supplied

 

Dear Frustrated,   When did you last "woo" your wife, and I mean really "woo" her? You know the kind of thing - red roses, champagne, candlelit dinner, whispered sweet nothings, oh and maybe a little diamond or two - All these things really appeal to the ladies, and your wife will be no exception. Try them all and I'm sure you won't have to "outsource" your problem.

However, if all the above does fail and there is no-one in the community willing to relieve your inner tensions, you can always buy a copy of Playboy from Bindi's Corner Shop and disappear round the block for a while! Good luck !

 

Dear Annie,

My question is really one concerning etiquette. Next week I have to give a dinner party for sixteen and I have decided to use the function room in the East wing of our house. My husband has informed me that in addition to serving red and white wine he will also offer his guests the further choice of Rose having picked up a case of excellent quality from a recent business trip to Provence in France.

The problem therefore is as to how many wine glasses to position at each place sitting. Do I presume that each person will drink red, white and Rose or that they will drink Rose instead of either red or white. Furthermore should I therefore use the smaller white wine glasses or the larger red wine glasses ? I have been fretting about this all week as I do not wish to commit a huge social faux-pas and would appreciate your advice.

Yours, trusting as always in your excellent advice,

Name and address supplied

 

Lighten up ! There really is no such thing as a social faux-pas these days - especially when one is among friends. So long as there are wine glasses (and not water tumblers) on the table I am sure your guests will not mind the size of the glass. Indeed knowing some of the good men of Tunaville I am quite sure they would be happy enough to drink their wine from a pint mug - or even the bottle itself !

Please relax and enjoy your dinner party!