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21st January 2000
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Weather : VERY VERY COLD
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JANUARY RETAIL SALES SOAR
Analysts were stunned as Tunaville retail sales for the first two weeks of January soared breaking all previous records. Quite unprecedented figures were posted for the first fourteen days of the month, totally against expectations which had previously pointed towards a sluggish start to the year for the retail industry.
'It's quite amazing.' commented National Bank spokeswoman Linda Burton 'It's almost as if a new force has come into the market place and established a different set of buying criteria. The last time we saw a change in the fundamentals on this scale was when the original Donaldson family moved into the Manor House back in the late 1800's.'
When asked for comment, local entrepreneur Neil Donaldson gave assurance that as we entered the new Millennium he was as in the dark as the experts when it came to the sudden change in trends.
'I can definitely confirm that there's been no real change in our spending habits as we enter the new year.' said Donaldson. 'Although I did pop into to the local bookshop last week to place an advance order for 'Erotica and The Clergy : Can they co-exist ?' by our own Rev. Steve Mullins. But I can't believe that alone has been responsible for a 67% jump in consumer spending, has it ?'
Certainly local business owners have been delighted with the upsurge in retail activity. No more evident than in The Rose and Crown where tidy profits have been turned into tidy turnover for publican Paul Mullin who's rumoured to have approached his affiliated brewery to increase stocks.
'I'm doing a roaring trade' commented Soft Furnishings retailer, Judy Lucas. 'Curtains, cushions, rugs etc. They're just walking out the door. I can't keep up with demand. I know Mr. Donaldson at the hardware store has also had a run on most of his electrical appliances. It's wonderful isn't it. At this rate I'll be able to retire by Easter. Haha, no, only joking !'
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INDEPENDENCE FOR TUNAVILLE ?
Reports indicate that the race for mayor due to take place later this year is likely to focus heavily on the topic of potential independence for Tunaville. Already there are signs that spin-doctors are at work sounding out local opinion on what is likely to be a highly contentious issue.
'I think it's something that the community of Tunaville should consider' quoted Julie Dodd who refused to comment on rumours that she was preparing to announce her candidature for Mayor. ' We've been living under the auspices of BigTown for far too long now and to be honest, I think we're starting to lose our identity. A move towards independence will certainly put Tunaville on the map in more ways than one. Just think of the boom to the tourism industry for instance.'
Not everyone agrees with the opinion of Mrs. Dodd however. Outgoing mayor and local celebrity, Tim Horsley was pulling no punches when he stated :
'It's pants, all this independence malarkey. I mean, what's the bleedin' point ? He'd just be creating a lot of hard work for everyone and I think you all know where I stand on the issue of hard work. If it weren't for the fact that I've served my full term as mayor, I'd certainly be opposing any resolution that the council puts forward. And I'm spent !'
Certainly as the race for mayor of Tunaville hots up, the gazette promises to keep it's readers fully informed of developments and rest assure that we WILL remain fully independent throughout our coverage.
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PETROL SHORTAGE MAKES MOTORISTS FUME
Tunaville motorists were up in arms this weekend as the regular supply to their petrol tanks was effectively cut off. An increasing number of incidents of 'road-rage' were reported as vehicles were left stranded on the public highways, unable to progress further due a lack of 'juice'
'It's not the most convenient of situations' commented Chief Constable Fran Thompson diplomatically. 'As residents know, there's only one garage in the town, owned by Steve Aslett. Well, he's normally such a reliable citizen, servicing the auto related needs of the community but well, this is the 12th day now that he hasn't opened up shop.'
Indeed the non-arrival of Mr Aslett at his garage for nearly two weeks now would appear to be the root cause for the Tunaville motorist's anguish.
'Quite simply the motoring community haven't been able to factor in the extra journey to BigTown which is now required in order to fill up our tanks' admitted local baker, Bruce Mitchell. 'It's not something we've had to consider before. Mr. Aslett has always been there come rain and shine. I just wonder if we'll ever see him again.'
Despite a number of attempts by the gazette to contact Mr. Aslett, he was unavailable for comment. On return to Tunaville Towers our most intrepid reporter stated:
'I couldn't find him anywhere and he doesn't appear to be at his house. Mind you, I couldn't be certain. You can't see a bleedin' thing through those windows apart from piles and plies of cushions and electrical appliances.'
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