. . at least until the novelty wears off!

 

21st January 2000 Back Page

ROVERS SEEDED INTO NEXT ROUND

In a series of extraordinary events last Thursday night, Tunaville Rovers advanced to the fourth round of the cup. No one however could have predicted the excitement surrounding the giant-killers progression or indeed the manner in which they would go through.

At the regional headquarters of the Football Association in BigTown, officials gathered to hear the FA's ruling concerning the previous weeks third round tie against BigTown United. Tunaville was represented by player/manager Neil Donaldson and midfield general Tim Horsley.

'I'll have to admit we weren't that confident before the hearing' confessed Donaldson. 'We'd heard a number of rumours that the BigTown chairman was in cahoots with the panel. Something about a cash for services deal at Ange's apparently but once the hearing started everything seemed to swing our way.'
Certainly, as the evening's events unfolded it started to become apparent that a solution was unlikely to be reached using traditional means. Both sides had argued long and hard about the circumstances leading up to the bogus substitution of Umagummababe by BigTown United. Tunaville's claim was that regardless of there being just seconds remaining in the match, the introduction of Umagummababe effectively swung the game BigTowns way despite the fact that they were already six goals to the good.

This argument not surprisingly received little sympathy from the panel who were also similarly non-plussed by BigTowns claim that it was very dark and they didn't realise Umagummababe had taken the pitch to start with.

After a lengthy discussion behind closed doors, the panel duly returned to give its verdict and announced that the tie and subsequent progression to the fourth round was to be decided by a round of Tiddlywinks.

'As soon as the panel told us what they intended to do, I knew we were in with a fighting chance' said Donaldson, 'and I praised the Lord that I'd chosen to bring Horsley with me. I knew he was the man for the job. He's a real winker'
Sure enough, over the prevailing nine minutes Horsley destroyed the BigTown representative in what will come to be known as a Tiddlywinks whitewash, 5-0.
'I've always been known as a bit of a winker' Horsley commented. 'It has been a hidden talent of mine. I've been winking on and off since I was about 12. My grandfather taught me in his garden shed. Me and my mates used to have competitions at school to see who could wink the furthest and I even seem to remember winking on some of my first dates.'
Once news of the Rover's victory filtered back to Tunaville, the rest of the townsfolk were quick to commend Horsley on his contribution.
'Winking and Horsley are synonymous' commented local landlord Paul Mullin. 'We've had him in the pub winking team since as long as I can remember. In fact, there's many an occasion when I've had to stop him winking on the bus when we go off on one of our away-days.

But now ? Well after Thursdays effort he can wink when and where he likes as far as I'm concerned. In fact, I am thinking of asking him to put on a winking demonstration in the pub early next month. Just after the Wet T-Shirt competition.'

Inevitably crowds gathered outside the Rose and Crown after closing last Thursday night to congratulate the victors as they returned on the regular no. 6 bus service driven by part time columnist Anne McKinney.
'Well, you can imagine the excitement as we returned on the bingo special. The ladies were loving it. Tim can be a bit of an attraction when he wants to be and I can tell you it didn't take much encouragement before he was winking in front of everyone. They loved it. He even repeated the evening's earlier wink in slow motion.'
Undoubtedly the story of Tunaville Rovers passage to the fourth round of this year's cup will be re-told again and again. Let's just hope that come a week on Saturday, Horsley can make his feet perform with similar dexterity to the undoubted talent he obviously possesses in his wrists.

 

OLD TUNAVILLIANS SECURE COMFORTABLE WIN

O.T.R.F.C. 26 - Old Smallhampton College 6

In awful conditions, 'Old Tunavillians' completed a satisfactory victory over stern opposition in the guise of Smallhampton College Old Boys., The game, although no classic, largely due to the particularly muddy conditions, was one of two completely contrasting styles, with Smallhampton very reliant on their large and heavy set of forwards and prepared to play a dire form of 10 man rugby, whilst Old Tunavillians were constantly on the look-out for the quick move and the opportunity to put the ball through their hands in an attempt to constantly stretch the opposition's defence.

It was however a very hard battle up front, but with both Mullins and the Rev. Mullin securing good line-out possession, jumping at 2 and 4 respectively, the forwards were able to provide enough adequate clean ball for scrum-half Dodd to get his free-flowing backs moving.

The first try was an absolute gem, with Horsley and Mitchell performing an exquisite scissors movement in the centre that put the long-striding Treece over in the corner. 'Soft-hands' Donaldson added the two extra points with a belter from the touchline.

The second, which came just before the stroke of half-time, was one for the big men, as they took Smallhampton on at their own game, by rolling the ball a good thirty yards from a maul situation, before Walsh burst clear, like a rampaging bull, from ten yards out and crashed over between the posts. The half-time oranges had been truly earned.

In steadily worsening conditions, Tunaville were able to score twice more in the second half, the first a solo effort from No.8 Slaughter, when he was able to pierce the opposition defence with a strong run, a true case of '16 stone on the hoof', and the second from a classic back move that put Treece in again for his second.

The result will set Old Tunavillians up well for next week's key encounter with Bigtown Irish. Certainly their were good signs of cohesion developing and one thing is for certain, this side does not lack for team spirit, as was witnessed by the post match celebrations at the Rose and Crown. Apparently Mr. Horsley is "in love with the girl next door", or so he kept reminding those assembled in the public bar.

Old Tunavillians : Walker, Treece, Mitchell, Horsley, Aslett, Donaldson, Dodd, Slaughter, Sedergreen, Tinker, Mullins, Rev. Mullin, Walsh, Lucas, Neville.