The recent correspondence regarding the lamentable quality of television programmes broadcast in Tunaville would have us believe that there is nothing of quality on the airwaves these days. However, nothing could be further from the truth.

Only last evening, my good wife and I were highly entertained by a new drama on TVB (Tunaville Broadcasting) called "The Garnettos". "The Garnettos" tells the story of a follically-challenged sewage engineer-turned-gangster who, in an attempt to play down his remarkable likeness to the evil family patriarch Alfredo, is counselled by a sympathetic psychiatrist.

As he attempts to drown his sorrows, the complications in his life (including the demise of his favourite soccer team) unfold to reveal a remarkably complex character. It's on most nights of the week.

Yours etc.,

Having just returned from a very pleasant week's skiing in the Tunaville Alps, I would like to inform fellow readers that due to the good weather, I spotted a ski instructor wearing the Tunaville Rovers football shirt, whilst traversing down the slope. It would seem that along with Bolle sun-glasses, such clothing is now the latest fashion item among the jet-set brigade.

Best regards,

May I say how apt it is that at this time of year with the Easter holiday weekend upon us, that the picture on the Tunaville web site has been changed to that of our beautiful church nestled amongst the vineyards. Very poignant surely for all parishioners.

Yours sincerely,

Hello Sir. I would just like to ask your readers to help me find something I have lost. I have prayed to St. Anthony of Padua but even he hasn't been able to help, Sir.

I was foolish enough to listen to the advice of two gentlemen (Tim and Ian I think they were called) who I met one Sunday afternoon in a line-dancing bar in Bigtown. Although I always send my salary back home...always Sir...I had managed to save some extra money I had earned doing sidewalk haircuts and working part-time in a fishball stall.

Once I let it slip I had TUN$1000 sitting in the bank doing nothing, these gentlemen advised me to invest it in a new internet company they were involved in called Tim.Com. As they seemed to know what they were talking about (and they had bought me 14 drinks), I decided to give it a try.

After just a week, Sir, I thought I had been blessed by Jesus as my investment was already worth TUN$5 million! But only a few days later, I discovered that it was now worth only TUN$7.60 with no prospect of improvement.

I have returned to the line-dancing bar to see if I can find these gentlemen, Sir, so I can ask them for my money back but I've had no luck yet. If any of your readers know of these men, I would be very grateful to hear from them. I'll even throw in a free haircut as a reward.

Yours in hope, Sir,

Through your letter's page may I please draw your reader's attention to the onset of the cricket season and the fact that nets will regularly take place on the village green on a Tuesday and Thursday night, followed by a cleansing ale or two at the Rose and Crown.

So, here's calling any budding Ian Botham or Shane Warne, you are more than welcome to come along and join the fray.

Thank you.

B. Mitchell (Captain of Tunaville C.C.)

P.S. Of course if you have your own kit - you will automatically be selected !

What a cheek ! What sheer audacity ! The track record of environmental company 'KUNZ' is absolutely appalling, a fact well known by all inhabitants of Tunaville.

In case it has been forgotten let me remind you. Who can forget the problem with the drains in the High Street, or the dreadful state of the area close to Horsley's HiFi where the pavement was constantly strewn with an array of empty beer cans ? Or indeed the unmitigated disaster that has been the assembly of a new sewage plant close to the Garden Centre.

And what do we discover in last week's Gazette ? The fact that the Managing Director of this company washes his hands of any responsibility and to boot now has the nerve to announce his candidacy to stand as Mayor.

I hope that other residents will join me in delivering a very clear and distinct message to Mr. Walsh.

Yours,