The Tunaville community should be deeply indebted to the efforts of one particular individual throughout negotiations to bring arguable the greatest footballing nation of them all to our very doorstop.

Although his efforts went without mention at the recent press conference, the Gazette has it on good authority that many a lengthy session of heated negotiations was spent behind closed doors between Chairman of the Brazilian FA and ex- Miss Latin America Manuela Hernandez (22) and National Bank stalwart, Ian McKinney.

It would appear that is was eventually primarily due to our own financiers personal persuasions and his willingness to 'lay down' for the cause of football, that the Brazilian FA sceeded to the Tunaville Rovers Board of Directors request.

We should all be proud that one of our own has put in such demanding hours in order that we can revel in the delights produced by these giants of football. Thanks once again, Ian.

Opinion seems split on the impending round of Miss Wet T-Shirt Competitions to be held at the Rose and Crown over the next few months, particularly evident by one letter that flooded into the Gazette office earlier this week. It must unfortunately remain unpublished as it contained a particularly graphical description of where the sendee would like to place one of Mr. Mullins hand pumps.

The Gazette can only take the side of the entrepreneur in this particular instance. Any such activity that brings the community together and additionally allows some of the more beautiful members of our village to display their charms must surely be encouraged.

For some time now, Tunaville has stood accused of not keeping up with the times and undoubtedly this particular event is an ideal opportunity for a number of us to stand out and be stared a . . . . er . . . counted.

The good people of Tunaville have no doubt being following with great interest the epic take-over battle which ensued National Bank of Tunaville’s audacious bid for the much larger, but much less efficient, Bigtown Banking Corporation (BBC).

The inability of BBC’s senior executive to take their heads out of the sand (or wherever) and recognise how advanced banking in Tunaville has become in recent years, and to grasp this golden opportunity which was offered to them, led to an acrimonious situation with much mud slinging and name calling the order of the day.

A serious side effect of the ongoing struggle was that the management of the National Bank of Tunaville had to give a substantial commitment to this process while at the same time seeking to continue to provide the high level of service to which our local customers have become accustomed. It would appear that management were largely successful in this with only one reported complaint being received – from the landlord of the Rose & Crown who reported a substantial drop in lunch time takings.

Things became even more traumatic with the entry of Regional Bank of Smalltown (RBS), who made a counter offer for BBC. Bigtown have always been jealous of Tunaville’s success stories in everything from our illustrious football team to our ‘high class’ coffee shops and it was no surprise when BBC succumbed to the overtures from RBC, simply to thwart further advances in the National Bank of Tunaville empire. However we fear that BBC may have shot themselves in the foot as there are, at present unsubstantiated, rumours that RBC’s bid has been backed by foreign money. Everyone knows that foreign money is often a precursor to drug trafficking and gun running, therefore we are fearful for the future of the innocents in Bigtown.

Every cloud does have silver lining and we hope that all of you read our recent ‘share watch’ bulletin which gave National Bank of Tunaville as a strong buy. If any of you are planning a long trip I’m sure the profits you will have made from following this recommendation will come in very handy.

Management and staff at National Bank of Tunaville wish to thank all their customers for such strong support during this recent upheaval. Normal service will now be resumed and the cash flow crisis at the Rose & Crown will be a thing of the past.

NATIONAL BANK OF TUNAVILLE
(CARING FOR THE COMMUNITY)