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| 22nd December 1999 | Ask Annie | ||
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Dear Gazette, I cannot describe the disappointment I felt, when my Gazette promptly arrived last Friday. You see the first page I turn to is the 'Ask Annie' column. Each week she is presented with a real mix of people's personal problems and each one is answered in such a thoughtful manner. She appears so clever and intelligent and I think I speak on behalf of many when I say that we are truly blessed to have someone of her ilk living in our community. So, where was her page last week ? Please do not tell me she has resigned never to reappear. If it's a case of money, please may I plead with the owner of the Gazette to pay her what is required. I am sure her contribution boosts considerably weekly sales. Please put my mind at rest. Concerned of Tunaville High Street
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Have no fear, Annie's here! Last week was a little bit hectic for Annie as her husband had some bosses in town from National Bank of Tunaville's Head Office so she was rather tied up keeping them occupied. She took them to the Tunaville Brass Factory and the Tunaville Walled City and then had them to dinner which lasted until the "wee small hours" so she didn't quite get round to sitting down at the computer and answering the readers letters. Apologies to all readers!!Regards and a Very Merry Christmas to all readers of the Tunaville Gazette!
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Dear Annie, I wonder whether you can help. My husband and I have recently returned from a trip to Vietnam, which was very enjoyable. Since our return, he seems to have developed an unhealthy fascination with the place. This started the first night when he returned from the Video shop with films such as 'Full Metal Jacket', 'Apocalypse Now', the 'Deer Hunter', 'Good Morning Vietnam' and the like which he would watch endlessly. Within a couple of days he had been to the Army Surplus shop in the High Street and upon returning from work he would change into combat fatigues and began chewing on fat cigars whist humming 'I feel good' by James Brown. I now hardly recognise him. Is this a short term phenomenon that will pass or will this continue indefinately ? Please advise
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I was so glad to hear that you and your husband enjoyed your trip to Vietnam recently. I am afraid that Vietnam kind of affects some people that way - remember Klinger from Mash who suffered post traumatic stress which made him dress up in ladies clothes and makeup ? Well your husband has sort of the same condition but not quite so chronic. In fact you should be grateful that he is only dressing up in combat fatigues and not little cocktail numbers and dangly earrings! I think you have got off lightly, so just enjoy your "Action Man" for a while - the phenomenon will pass. Anyone got any Wagner??
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Dear Annie, I think my "other half" has a compulsive shopping problem but I don't know how to approach them about it. We recently went on a weekend break with the intention of 'chilling out' after what has been a quite intensive period of work on both our parts. I was however quite aghast when my spouse started to engage in an activity which I can only describe as "shopping for Tunaville" At every opportunity we seemed to be purchasing something or other and now I'm worried it's a habit I'll have difficulty in discouraging. Annie, I understand you may have 'a bit of previous' in this particular area ? Please help. Any help would be gratefully appreciated, Yours hopefully, Doddy
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Never fear, this shopping "frenzy" is a very healthy sign that all is well in the Doddy household. A little bit of retail therapy is actually excellent within a marriage and stops it becoming stale. I mean how can a marriage become stale and boring when there is always a new lacquer ornament, lacquer rug (er, are you sure ), lacquer vase, lacquer bowl etc. etc. etc. to come home to and admire and lovingly polish. Once one has been bitten by the "shopping bug" it is very difficult to get rid of the symptoms - twitching credit cards, glazed eyes, arms full of carrier bags, glee on spotting a new shop, delight in setting out the new purchases. There is no cure so, just let your spouse enjoy the shopping trips while you can bask in the reflected glow - from the lovingly polished lacquer-ware!!!
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Dear Annie, I write on behalf of a friend of mine who recently went away on an off-site work meeting and after a very tiring day of non-stop work seminars, he and his colleagues went out in the evening for a few relaxing beers. He ended up in a bar, where some of the women in there, were not women but men despite looking very much like women,and there were also women who were women and not men and women who were still men but about to become women,if you know what I mean. They were all apparently very pleasant people, but it left my friend rather confused. Annie could you shed some light on this topic ? Kind regards,
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What a wonderful friend you are - taking the time to write to me regarding your friend's problem and confusion! I have to admit to being rather confused myself - I mean there are in this diverse world women who look like women and feel like women, women who look like women but feel like men, women who look like men but feel like women and women who feel like men but look like dogs. On the other hand there are men who look like men and feel like men, men who look like women but feel like men and men who look like women and feel like women and then there are the species that look like men but are in fact rats (these are by far the most prolific). I think in these sexually enlightened days it is safer to stay at home with a good book - you know exactly where you are (or indeed what you are) with a Barbara Cartland novel! Basically I am glad that I'm a woman who looks like a woman, feels like a woman but am in fact a born shopper - something a man can NEVER be! You always know exactly where you are with a shopper!!!! Always female to the core.... unless your name is Dodd that is.
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Dear Annie, Please, oh please I need your help! My husband, The Assistant Bank Manager has just returned after 5 months away working and living abroad. Since his return I have had a terrible time.
No longer do I have a nice tidy house, and the worst part of all, he SNORES! What, oh what can I do to get things back to the way they were without him? I'm afraid asking him to go back isn't an option, I have 3 small children and we really do need him here to help with bath-time, homework, bathroom cleaning, kitchen floor cleaning, washing the cars and the occasional tender bit. Please Help, Mrs. House Manager
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Oh dear, oh dear, what a predicament! I think the only option open to you is to buy a much bigger house with a den for yourself into which no-one is allowed. In that den you could also have an en-suite toilet with all the towels placed exactly where you want them, toilet paper that is used only by yourself (Ms Bindi does a rather nice range in pink scented toilet paper), you could have your own toothpaste and take the top on and off as you please, you could also have a little single bed where you could retire to when the snoring gets too much and no tender moments are on offer! The possibilities are endless if you have your own den. I see no solution at all to the empty tanks of petrol - unless of course you buy him his own car or what about a little moped to whiz around town on? (Safety Note: If you do buy him a moped do remember a crash helmet to go with it - we don't want any more nasty traffic accidents in Tunaville). One more rather drastic solution would be to turf him out completely and employ an amah to bath the kids, clean the kitchen floor, clean the bathroom and wash the cars and of course do the baby-sitting - this solution would leave you free to nip down the Rose & Crown for a gin and tonic whenever the fancy takes you. The decision is yours - husband or amah? Which one would make your life most miserable - only you can decide
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