You will all have noticed my absence from the parish over the last few weeks and sadly, I will not be able to join you for the festive celebrations.

Whilst my absence has been somewhat clouded with secrecy, (and there are some malicious rumours being circulated throughout Tunaville) it is appropriate at this time to let you all know the truth. I have been a frequent traveller to all parts of the globe over the last few years undertaking missionary (and other) positions with the various relief agencies. My recent absence is due to the fact that I have been in the bush in Africa providing ongoing assistance to the needy there supported by an organisation which you will all be familiar with "Federation International Tournados Bolleuux Agence" or more commonly known as FITBA .

I am being assisted and guided by that well known philanthropist, stamp collector and one of great wisdom and foresight Mr Frank Stanson. Frank has moved on from his role as a successful fund manager in Australia to share his wealth and wisdom with the indigenous people of Africa. His charity is underwhelming. Indeed when I told him we were off to Africa and then to Calcutta in India he said that he was looking forward to visiting the 'Black Hole' once again.

Sadly I will not be able to share with you the joys of this festive season as Frank and I are taking some R&R after our missionary work to help the poor unfortunates and to spread some wealth in Manila and Bangkok and then will spend a few days at that famous hotel in Penang called the Golden Rain Hotel which is very close to the beach and where they have a very popular watersports section.

Bless you my flock. My thoughts are with you during the Christmas season, especially those female parishioners looking for some personal moral support. I will attend to your every need on my return.

Reverend Mullins