As a part time member of the local law enforcement agency, I must say that I do not expect to have my Friday nights taken up with restraining the kinds of activities seen last weekend in the Rose and Crown. Honestly, how can I be expected to continue with my work on the local history of Tunaville if I am constantly having to handle these situations in my spare time.

However the good citizens of Tunaville can rest easy knowing that I am, nevertheless prepared to stand in as lifeguard should Mr Mullins's Wet T shirt contest occur.

Yours etc.

I am sure I am not alone, when I say that the behaviour of certain sections of the crowd at the weekend match was despicable.There is really no need for such language and aggression.

I must however commend the behaviour of player manager 'Wizard' Donaldson. If it was not for his prompt action in appealing to those at the 'War Memorial end' for some resemblance of order, the situation could have been much worse. Well done Wizard, you will certainly be getting my vote in the forthcoming poll of 'Tunaville's person of the last Millennium.

Best Regards,

Having read the report of the 'goings on' at the Rose & Crown last week where the girls from the Tunaville Tigers were quite rightly celebrating their historic victory over the Lexington Lillies, I felt compelled to write in support of these fine girls and to put the record straight on one or two matters.

Everyone in Tunaville knows that in recent years the Tigers have had to operate on a very meagre budget and have been struggling to compete with the 'bigger' clubs with their fancy imported players. Although this is an amateur game there have been consistent rumours over the years that some clubs attract talent by paying excessive 'expenses' . The Tigers cannot afford to do this and remain a team comprising all local players. We should be proud of them and give them our support, and not be too concerned when they let off a little steam after such a historic victory as that over the 'Lillies'.

Indeed, National Bank of Tunaville has recently agreed to provide a level of support to the Tigers to ease some of the financial burden which has plagued them in the past, and to ensure that they are in a position to continue to compete at the highest levels in the future. A sponsorship deal has been thrashed out between myself and Ms Kilburn Toppin, and supporters will see the Bank name appear on the ladies shirts for at least the next two seasons. These negotiations were in fact finalised over a few pints of Speckled Hen in the Rose & Crown last week following the 'Lillies' match.

Some comment was made in last week's gazette regarding the 'handcuffing' incident, but I would put your readers mind's at rest by pointing out that this was simply a negotiating ploy by Ms Kilburn Toppin in trying to screw a better deal out of the Bank. I have to admit she was quite successful in this, although her tactics were not quite so innovative as those employed recently by a client seeking a 5 year interest free loan to open a lingerie shop (pet shop owners please note).

Apart from the obvious pride in supporting our local team, the Bank did have to take the size of the jugs into consideration in agreeing this deal. To get

That's the last time I buy a ticket for the Rovers. On Saturday against Bigtown they were crap.It makes me laugh when you consider the money they get paid and as for the keeper, Slaughter, I reckon he needs a stick and a guide-dog.

I reckon the only one who dons his Tunaville shirt with any pride is the player manager 'Wizard Donaldson'. At least he rolls his sleeves up and gets stuck in. If only we had a few more like him. Yours,