26th November 1999 Ask Annie

Dear Annie,

My therapist advises that I should not try to hide my sins but should confront them and be strong enough to withstand any consequences.

Annie, I don't know if I can do this without help.

My sin is such that I do not know if I can take the opprobrium which will be heaped on me in the future.

I'm sure you will understand why I do not want to "come out". When I was 8, I was pulled out in front of the class for being unable to repeat the "half-crown table". Since that time I have had a terror of admitting I do not know something.

What do I have to admit this time? I deleted the first editions of The Tunaville Gazette without reading them.

How can I excuse myself ? I was afraid of a virus. It was only today that I appreciated the integrity of the publication.

Do you think that the rest of Tunaville will ever forgive me? Bearing in mind my past problems with the cash machine and that small misunderstanding with the plumber, the interior decorator and the master bedroom, do you think that Tunaville will understand and let me make amends? I will bake a cake for the fête; I will judge "bonnie babies" - whatever it takes.

Please tell me , Annie, how to become rehabilitated.

Pammie

 

Well, what can I say... you have certainly offended the good folks of Tunaville by subscribing to our wonderful publication and then deleting it before even reading the wonderful contents of this most splendid newspaper. If I were the local Parish Priest and not Auntie Annie I would be calling for you to say at least ten Hail Mary's and put fifty Tunaville Dollars in the collection box, along with five hours of community service.

However, we at Tunaville are good, gentle folk and we do not really like to hold grudges so, to make amends for your shameful act how about writing a very informative, witty article for next week's edition. This would go some way to absolve you of your most wicked deed!

As regards your problem stemming from when you were eight years of age in the class room, I share with you a common trait. When I was 8 years old I had to stand in front of the class to recite a poem. Indeed I was so shy that I asked the teacher if I could face the blackboard instead of facing the class. She agreed, and to this day I could not even contemplate getting up in a roomful of people and making a speech (or even reciting a poem).

So you see your little problem is quite common. A lot of our adult "hang-ups" actually stem from childhood incidents! I am sure there are many Tunaville residents with similar problems and if they are out there, I would certainly like to hear from them! Together we can sort out all our "problems" and make Tunaville an even better place to live!

(all a bit serious isn't it ? Ed.)